Yes, you read that correctly. We are normal people in all kinds of shapes, colours and sexes, except that our ears may not work too well :-) The only difference is that it takes us more effort to listen and communicate (in our own unique ways).
Actually I do not like to use the word “deaf” as modern society are ignorant and usually associate “deaf” with something negative, like being mentally disabled. How do I know? Simple! From my personal experience and from what I hear and see from other friends with the same disability.
Relax! There is nothing to be afraid of. We do not bite nor are we contagious with some horrible disease. We do not explode with gooey stuff that will eat your innards inside out and spit out your digested bones. At worst, we only make some of you act stupid :-)
I prefer a more friendlier term “hearing-impaired” because I feel it more accurately describes the three kinds of hearing-impaired people out there: hard of hearing, partially “deaf” and completely “deaf”. All of these have varying degrees of being able to hear sounds. My point is that the "deaf" person you met at work may be quite different from your aging grandfather / -mother who are gradually losing their hearing ability.
What no one realises is that we hearing-impaired people do not have the sense of instinctive direction / responsiveness / interpretation of all kinds of environmental noises that normal people pick up from their infant days. Without that ‘ability of sense’ we are at a disadvantage that can be overcome by ourselves and with the help of others.
How? Here is some personal tips from me to you, to help with communication with hearing impaired people.
Get their attention:
Make eye contact. Wave or make any gesture that will get their attention. If the hearing-impaired person is not in a position to get the visual cue, it is OK to lightly touch them on their shoulder. You can also ask them how they would prefer to communicate, be it lip reading, writing or sign-language.
Stay in their field of vision:
Stay on the same level as their eyes. Sit down if they are sitting, stand up if they are standing. Those height differences do make a difference. Remain in normal speaking distance (no further than roughly 2m away) from them.
If indoors, make sure that there is plenty of light to see you clearly. If outside, face the sun so that there is no shadows on your face (as speaker) and light in their eyes (as lip-reader).
When talking to a lip-reading person, keep facing them. You may not be aware of it but turning your face away during conversation makes it difficult to follow what you are saying. Even with our expensive high-end hearing aids, we still rely heavily on facial expressions and mouth movements.
Talk in a normal tone of voice:
Believe me, we do pick up the differences! Whispering or shouting distorts your lip movements (and your face). Exaggerated slow mouth movements frankly makes you look silly :-) All of these are hard to lip-read.
Shouting or talking very loud attracts attention from other people around the “deaf” person, or make the social group uncomfortable, which in turns make the “deaf” person feel self-conscious. Not good.
Be aware of the background noise and and do something about it if you can. Do not put anything in your mouth or put your hand in front of your mouth while talking.
Make discussions easy to follow:
If we “deaf” people know the general topic, it is easy for us to follow that conversation. Do not change topics suddenly – even the best lip-reader can only follow between 30% to 50% of the discussion.
If in meetings, and lots of questions / opinions are voiced, pause the discussion occasionally and ask if the “deaf” people are following, repeating important issues if necessary. And more importantly, allow for differences of opinion from those “deaf”people.
When discussing notes on white board or via projector, make sure that the “deaf” people are following the discussion by pointing to the diagrams / notes on white board or projector with a visible cue (do you know how difficult it is to find and tracking an almost invisible red laser pointer?!?) what is currently being discussed, and wait until they are looking at you before resuming the meeting. In most cases we would greatly appreciate it that notes are made and given to us afterwards.
If you were in a 1-to-1 (work-related) discussion with a "deaf" colleague, ask if they want a short summary of what was discussed, as to make sure that we have not missed anything. Actually, it is better to send an email / give them a note afterwards. They will greatly appreciate it as it will make their work easier (especially in cases of misunderstandings).
Do not refuse to re-communicate if they miss something or show your irritation when you need to repeat yourself. Sure, it takes time (and lots of patience) but there is no reason to alienate these “deaf” colleague(s) even more! Just as there are good and bad hearing people, there are also good and bad "deaf" people.
Lastly:
All hearing-impaired people can be quite untactful, direct and/or blunt and won’t be afraid to call it as they see it. It is because of the visual world we live in. We see facial expressions and body languages that usually belies your oral communication. We experience communication in difficult and different scenarios that a normal person take for granted.
There is an unwritten rule in the deaf culture: “if you can see it, you can comment on it”. So, don’t take everything personally. We don’t meant to offend you :-)
And that is it. A fairly lengthy piece of advice based on my own personal experience (and in my career in various directions) as well as out of frustration, as you cannot imagine. There might be more items to be added but I have been at it so long that I have learned to live with it. I hope that this post of mine will help some of you to remember how to communicate / work with a hearing-impaired person. They will truly appreciate your efforts, believe me.
After an revealing quote from Steve Jobs: “Stay hungry, stay foolish”, allow me to phrase one of mine (quite common amongst us hearing-impaired folks): “I am not stupid. My ears are” :-)
PS: A big "Thank You" to J.G and E.H and E.V (and some others) for proof-reading this. Greatly appreciated!
